Who can you trust?

In the 90s I trusted my high school best friend for nutrition advice.

In the early 00’s, I turned to The Zone Diet to figure out what to eat.

In the 2010’s I tried “clean eating,” Paleo, intermittent fasting, and macro counting.

For literally decades, I ignored my own body’s wisdom because I was obsessed with getting eating “right.”

Diet culture told me there was one acceptable body (thin, and if there’s any fat, it should be around your hips and breasts, but never on your stomach!) and I was hell-bent on attaining it.

I thought whipping my body into shape was the path to self-acceptance, but it was just the opposite.

The more I tried to suppress my appetites in service of a thinner body, the more I felt out of control around food, the more I failed in my attempts to stick to my plan, and the more shame I felt.

Why couldn’t I just follow the rules!? What was WRONG with me?

Nothing was wrong with me.

For one thing, I’d been depriving myself. The body’s natural response to deprivation is to overeat.

For another, I was just trying to meet my need for love and acceptance. I wasn’t fully aware of it at the time, but at a young age, I’d learned that I was only worthy if my body looked a certain way. And that young part of me was trying to make sure I wouldn’t experience the shame of not being good enough.

Nothing is wrong with you, either

It's so tempting to look for something outside of ourselves to show us where to go, what to do, and how to live. Coaches, gurus, apps, and books tell us something about us is wrong — and we can buy their solution to finally fix it.

But all we really need is self-compassion and curiosity.

Here are a few places you can start:

• Offer your body kindness and respect by eating when you’re hungry, wearing comfortable clothes, and resting or taking an easy day when your workouts feel flat.
  

• Get curious about your body shame. Instead of feeling bad about the fact that you don’t love, like, or even accept your body, reflect on where you learned to hate your body, what you’ve gotten out of trying to shrink it, and/or how food restriction or overexercise might have been a coping mechanism you needed to survive when you didn’t have other resources.
  
  (I love how eating disorder therapist and Bodywise founder Amy Pershing talks about this as it relates to binge eating disorder in this episode of the Full and Thriving podcast.)
  

• Get curious about what you like. That could mean eating what you want rather than what you “should” eat, but If you’ve been on the diet merry-go-round for a long time, that might feel like too much.
  
  If that’s the case, start somewhere else…

  • Take yourself on a date; instead of checking with a romantic partner or friend to find an activity you’d both enjoy, check in with yourself, go at a time that works for you, and leave or switch gears if you want. (and just like you would on a “real” date, keep your phone mostly in your purse. Julia Cameron calls this an “artist date” but you don’t need to identify as an artist to treat yourself to a fun time.
    

  • Instead of prioritizing the book club book, dive into whichever book sounds juicy to you.
    

  • Instead of doing the workout you’ve always done or the one you think will be most effective in reaching your fitness or aesthetic goals, try the class you’ve been curious about or the one that just looks like a blast.

xo,

PS If the idea of changing your mindset around food and your body among a supportive virtual community of like-minded women sounds good to you, get on my group coaching wait list and you’ll be the first to know when I offer a group program. (Details TBD. Stay tuned!)

5 things worth checking out

• If you have an hour: Speaking of self-compassion, check out my interview with sports psychologist and elite cyclist Erin Ayala on the Real Fit podcast.
  

• If you have five minutes and are still up for more self-compassion content: check out my latest piece for SELF, in which I interview Katy O’Brien (aka Kristen Stewart’s co-star in Love Lies Bleeding) on her experience as a weightlifter and actor with Crohn’s.
  

• If you have five minutes: I LOVED physician Mara Gordon’s recent article for NPR article Mara Gordon, My patients think Ozempic is a wonder drug. But it can't fix fat phobia.
  

• If you want to know where I’ll be performing standup comedy: Subscribe to my other newsletter, Real Funny.
  

• If you’re in the Boulder area and you’re looking for a fun, welcoming group of women to ride gravel, road, or mountain bikes with (including me!), no obligation to race, and a really cute kit: Check out Petunia Mafia. (And no, this is not an affiliate link or anything like that. I just think if you like bikes and this newsletter, it would be rude not to mention it.)

Are you ready to experience food freedom but need some support to figure out how?

This is exactly what I help my 1:1 intuitive eating coaching clients with.

Let’s see if we’d be a good fit over a free, no-pressure 30-minute discovery call over Zoom or the phone.

👂 Give your ears a treat 👂

Need a good listen during your commute, chores, or workout?

Wondering who I am?

I’m a certified intuitive eating counselor, occupational therapist, and health and fitness journalist with bylines in outlets like The Washington Post, Time, Runner’s World, SELF, and many others.

Also a 6x marathoner, 2x Ironman finisher, and certified personal trainer with a 20+ year history of teaching indoor cycling, I love riding bikes (gravel and road) and weightlifting. My superpower is my ability to connect with people.

Check out my coaching offerings here and follow me on LinkedIn and Instagram.